Hell And Back (Rewrite)
by Ukendeavour
Summary: Takes place at 01x09, what if Stef's injuries from the shooting had been worse, how is the family going to cope? This is a rewrite (Disclaimer, I don't own The Fosters or Stef and Lena.)
1. Chapter 1

Hell And Back

_Hello all, this is a total rewrite of my first ever Stef and Lena story, I think now I'm a slightly better writer I'd try and make this story better, I hope you all enjoy it,_

_Thank you so much for reading, _

_Please enjoy. _

Chapter One

I know that we went into the house, I had to Jesus could have been in there with that woman, I don't care if she is his birth mother, she gave them up, she had her chance and she blew it he is OUR son. I wasn't going to wait for other officers or for anyone else for that matter, Jesus could have been in there and could have been in danger. The moment I saw the drugs I felt my heart racing, my son could have been exposed to this crack house. I never wanted him to experience that again. Mike and I did what we were trained to do, my training took over, we cleared the rooms. One by one, my gun drawn. I went into the bedroom, I didn't see him I heard the shot. Then I felt it. The sudden pain just before my left breast. I fell back onto the ground my gun falling beside me. I move for it. The pain is too much. I can't breathe something is wrong. My body was going into shock and I was panicking. Then I knew Mike was there, I heard his shots, three I think in total. Then he was above me,

"Mike," It was barely a whisper, he told me not to talk. I put my head back onto the ground not caring about how unclean the place was, I felt my eyes roll into the back of my head then Suddenly the world went back and I could just hear Mike calling for help.

I know at once that there are people rushing around me. I can hear a heart monitor beeping beside me. I've got a tube in my throat, I can't breathe alone. I can't feel my legs. I'm struggling to remember what's happened and what is now happening. i am awake. The doctors and nurses seem to know that as they are talking to me but I can barely open my eyes. That just takes more energy than I have right now. I am trying to think of anything but the pain I'm in. I know there is a nurse beside me pushing oxygen into me as I can't breathe on my own. I want Lena. I need to feel safe. She is the only person who has ever made me feel safe. I move my fingers. They've taken my ring. I want my ring. They've also removed my necklace I want that back too. They are the two things that make me feel like Lena is close when she's not. She gave me both. I can hear someone coming up beside me. it's my partner I can smell her. That smell is only Lena. She takes my hand, I want to talk to her. I want to tell her how much I love her. I can't. she is rubbing my hand.

"Hey, I'm here," Her voice Is breaking, she's scared. She is trying to hold it all together. I want to kiss her, I want to hold her. I try and make a noise. "The kids are okay, Jesus was…" She stopped I felt my heart racing, thank God that he was okay and hadn't been in that house. I can barely see her, she looks like she's going to cry, I don't want to cry. I've never wanted to hurt Lena. "He is here with Mariana and Brandon. We're all here." I felt her hand on my head then, her soft long fingers lost in my hair. She rarely touches me in public, she doesn't like PDA's after a nasty incident from her teens. Yet right now she's holding my hand and rubbing my head. I need to feel her and I can. I close my eyes at her touch. I never want her to let me go. I want her here forever. I know she will not leave me unless she is forcibly removed. I'm not thinking about my own physical pain right now I'm thinking of Lena's emotional pain. I love this woman is the last thought I have before I drift off thanks to the drugs I've been given.

I've been moved into a private room. I've had all my clothes cut off me now and I'm a hospital gown, well I think that's what it is, I've barely been awake. The pain isn't as bad as it was, but that could be to the drugs they seem to have bumped into my system. I want my woman. I know she's had to go to a waiting room while they sorted me out. I just want her hand in mine, I want to feel safe. Then I smell it, Lena's perfume. I want to open my eyes and yell I love you, but I have no energy to do that. The meds are keeping me knocked out. I can hear more than just Lena's heels on the floor. I feel Lena's hand on my arm and shoulder, her thumb moving along my arm, her light touch that I love so much.

"Honey, we're all here, Brandon, Mariana and Jesus, you're doing great and we love you." I can hear the love Lena's voice. I know my kids are here too now and they are all alright. That is the main thing. My babies are fine. I would do anything for them.

"Alright," I hear Lena say to our children, I feel Mariana touch my hand, I know because of her long finger nails. I can hear everyone leaving. I can hear Lena's voice but it seems so far away. I know she's not speaking to me. I want to kiss my babies before they go but I know that's not possible. I feel Lena back beside me. her fingers wrapped around my arm.

"B took the twins home, I'm trying so hard to forgive them." Oh my baby is blaming them, none of this was their fault. My lovely lady who would do anything for our kids was blaming them for me laying here. She needs to forgive them and once I can talk to her I will explain that too her. I'm not mad at them; they just wanted to know their biological mother. My kids didn't pull the trigger. "I'm sorry I'm not doing a better job," her voice is full of guilt. I just want to hold her. She feels guilty that she cannot forgive them. I know that as long as I give her time, she will. I just need to get better for her, for our kids and for me. "I'm not going anywhere babe, I'm staying right here," Lena whispered softly as she kissed my temple. This woman really is my rock, my life, my everything and right now she's the person I'm fighting for most.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The last day or so has been a complete and utter blur. I know I've had major surgery and now i've got an oxygen tube up my nose, to help me get the right amount of oxygen into my blood. I'm yet to see Lena, only the doctor has been in to see me. There are three bullet fragments in my spinal canal. They have done a great deal of damage. I may never walk again. I want to cry, but more than that I want Lena. I want her near me, I'm so scared. My eyes are closed when I smell my baby, she's coming into the room. I hear her sit onto the chair beside my bed, pulling it forward towards the bed. Her long soft fingers rubbing my arm, I love this closeness. I felt her lips on my temple, her lips resting there for a few moments. It felt so good to have her so close. I make a noise the first one I've made since I said Mike's name at the scene. My throat is sore and it feels unused. Yet I have something important to ask her.

"No, no, no," She says, her voice is full of concern.

"Eh,"

"No, don't talk, don't talk" I manage to open my eyes, I can see her perfect face. The tears in her eyes, her hair which shows she slept in the chair beside my bed last night. Her hand is gripping mine as she sat beside me.

"Will you marry me?" My throat is sore, the words come out as a whisper. She looks shocked for a moment, I know it's not what she expected me to say first.

"I thought you'd never ask," She smiled.

"Neither did I," she laughed at that, the best sound in the world. There is nothing like the sound of my woman's laughter. "Is that a yes?" I ask still slightly unsure. She rubs my finger finding the finger that my ring should be on but it is still missing.

"Yes," She leant over and kissed my forehead. "Of course I want to marry you Stef, none of this changes anything," She pointed at the bed.

"Love," my voice broke, I didn't want to say what I had to say, "What if I can't walk again?" I need her, she kisses me knowing I need the closeness. Her fingers link mine.

"It will never change the way I feel about you, none of this will ever change that," I look into her eyes seeing nothing but love. This woman is remarkable and at the moment so emotional. Slowly tears ran down her face dripping from her nose. I reach up and slowly wipe away the falling tears. She reaches up and takes my hand, holding it to her face.

"I love you," she whispers at me.

"I love you too," I let Lena's words wash over me. she kisses the palm of my hand. Something she had not done in a long time.

"Are you going home today?" I ask.

"Yes, I need to see the kids, plus this chair is not made for me to sleep in,"

"I'm sorry about that,"

"It's not your fault. You didn't know that guy would have a gun or that he would use it." I can hear the anger in her voice. I know she hates guns but the fact that I've now been shot is making it worse.

"I should have called for back-up," I admit, slightly worn out.

"You wouldn't have done that. You thought Jesus was in there," I nod, she's so right. I thought our son was in danger. I was going into that house no matter what.

"If I had waited we wouldn't be here would we?" I ask,

"No," She admitted looking away, I held her hand harder.

"How are my babies?" I ask resting back against the pillows.

"They are scared, but they're good.

"Mariana?" I see a different look at Lena's face. She wants to forgive the twins. "Speak to her love, please. We love her she needs to know that,"

"I'll speak to her, are you okay for a moment?"

"Sure, erm, send B in if he is around,"

"Okay babe. I love you so much." Lena kisses my head again, they've all been told not to kiss my mouth at the moment because my oxygen levels were low.

"I love you too, you're coming back before you leave right?" I was worried she'd leave without me seeing her again,

"Of course I'll be back," She leaves and I get to watch her ass in those tight jeans. I must be feeling slightly better even if I'm rather sleepy. I close my eyes and rest against the back of the pillows suddenly wishing I had my own PJs on.

I open my eyes when I feel someone take my hand, I look up into the face of my handsome son. I take him in. He really did get the best of me and Mike. I still cannot get over that this sixteen year old young man is the same boy I gave birth too. Now his face is etched with worry. He shouldn't have to worry at his young age; he shouldn't see his mother laying with a gunshot wound either.

"Hey," I manage, he smiles, he has his father smile.

"Hey Mom, how are you feeling?" He took the seat Lena had left.

"Better than ever," I laugh. I know I'm pale and that my eyes aren't fully open. But this is the best I can manage right now.

"You don't look better than ever," Brandon took my hand.

"You know how to make a girl feel good," I can't laugh because it hurts. I need to stop with the bad jokes now.

"Always, I learnt from the best," He smiled. "Really through Mom, how are you?"

"I'm not sure B," I got serious. I've always been honest with him. It was the only way to explain most things since Lena and I got together. "I'm sure Mama explained,"

"Yeah she did,"

"Yeah well things are going to be hard,"

"I've already had the step up speech from Mama," I saw my grown up son now

"I wasn't going to give you that. It is going to be hard for us all B. Mama is scared, I'm scared. We're not sure what's going to happen. I just want you to know that you and everyone else don't have to be strong all the time."

"I know Mom," He kisses my forehead. It feels strange him kissing me. I hear a noise from the doorway. I can't help but smile when I see Lena standing there watching us. She walks over and Brandon moved. Lena looks at him before looking back at me and I simply nod. Lena softly takes my hand.

"Brandon, we have some news." Lena says slowly.

"What is it? More bad news?" it was like he was expecting it.

"No," I say at once.

"No B, No." Lena looks at me smiling before looking back at Brandon, "Your Mom asked me to marry her,"

"What?" he looks shocked. He had always wanted us to get married.

"I asked Lena to marry me,"

"I hope you said yes," He looks between the two of us.

"Yes, I said yes," Lena was smiling, she looks so happy.

"That is the best news," He kisses me and then hugs Lena. This is our little bit of joy that had come from the most terrible situation. Brandon kisses us again and left. I look at Lena.

"So, have you spoken to Mariana?" I rest her hand on my stomach.

"Yes I have. I told her DNA doesn't make a family, love does. I told her that we love her no matter what. "I smile at my woman's words. She has always been wise.

"You're right," She kisses my forehead as my doctor walks in.

Hi Stef, how are you feeling?" Dr Jackson asks me, while checking the machines and my file which is at the end of my bed.

"I'm okay," I lay there holding Lena's hand as he does a few more checks,

"Right, I've had a look at your X-rays, we've managed to remove all the fragments we can."

"Will I walk again?" I want him to be honest. Lena rubs her thumb against the back of my hand.

"It's not looking good Stef, you have no feeling in your legs. You're going to see the rehab nurse tomorrow and then you'll be moved to the rehab ward."

"So basically you're saying that Stef isn't going to walk again," Lena's voice is strong. I know she has gone into protective mode.

"Yes, I'm sorry," he signed the paperwork and left. All I want is a hug, I reach out and Lena walks into my arms and holds me as I know there is nothing else anyone can do.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter three

I've been moved in a rehab room, it's roomy which means that I can have all five children in the room. I've just had physical therapy and really was not feeling it. Only good thing to come from it was I'm now able to move from the bed to the wheelchair. I rest back against my pillows.

"Hey sweetheart? How are you feeling?" Lena asks as she walks into the room, dropping her purse onto the chair and taking my hand. I look deep into those sexy brown eyes.

"I don't know," I say, As I close my eyes.

"Okay," Lena says, I know she doesn't want to push me.

"Where are my babies?"

"They're at home, fighting over the shower,"

"Sounds like bliss," I felt the tears coming, I turned my head to one side in hopes to hide them. My heart is breaking. Knowing that I'll never walk again. so far I've only cried alone at night when I've been alone. I feel Lena's lips on mine. I open my eyes letting the tears fall.

"Please don't hide from me," Lena whispers softly. Its those words that break me. I start openly crying. Holding onto her.

"I feel like I've let you down," I cry.

"You have never and will never let me or your family down. None of this is your fault,"

"It sort of us,"

"How so?"

"I went into that house without any protection."

"Yes to get our son, you thought he was in danger you put your family first." Lena pushes my hair out of my face.

"I should have thought before I walked into that house,"

"No, you thought Jesus was in there. You of all people should know you'd do anything for our kids. It's one of the many things I love about you," Lena says as she kisses me.

"Love I can't move my legs," I say completely honestly. She just looks into my eyes.

"We will get through this. The builders are already at the house making the place wheelchair friendly for you, as a family we are going to get through this. As your wife-to-be I will support you no matter what. I love you Stef. You're amazing. We are going to do this together." I can feel Lena's love. It is amazing to me. she's got so much passion in her voice. She's so strong. I sometimes forget that.

"You've so much faith in us don't you?"

"That is because I love you, more than anything else in the world. You're mine. I'm going to be here every step of the way,"

"I love you too babe." I say as she moves around the bed and sits back down on the chair beside it. She grabs her wallet out of her bag.

"Would you like some coffee?"

"Can I really have some?" I've not been allowed any.

"Yeah," She's laughing at me, "I spoke to Jon early and he says it's fine," Jon is my rehab nurse. He is amazing.

"That would be awesome," I grin, "You really know how to treat a girl,"

"Always," Lena said as she got up, kissing my lips before leaving for a few moments to get the coffee. While she is gone I lay back thinking about my family, the changes that must be happening to the house, how the kids are going to cope. I want to go home. I know that this is happening soon. I can smell fresh Starbucks. Lena comes in grinning. Holding coffee. Wow I love this woman.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter four.

Today has been a good day, a really good day. I've spent time with all five of my babies. I watched Mariana paint her nails, Brandon showed me a video of him playing his new piece of music he had written, Jesus talked about volleyball, Callie played her guitar for me and Jude showed me his English homework. It felt so normal. I'd missed their laughter. After they'd had time on their own with me we'd playing a game on my tray. It had been amazing. They had giggled and laughed and I'd been able to make all the jokes I'd wanted too. Once I had started to get tired they had decided to head home. Lena had gone home while the kids where with me so that I could have alone time with them. She'd also gone to get me some clean PJs. I know that she has completely forgiven the twins. I was given hugs and kisses an the kids headed home leaving me with Lena. She walks over and kisses me softly on the lips.

"Hey," I say taking her in, Noticing today she is wearing my shirt.

"Hey," She says as she pushes my hair away from my temple. You know, I'm loving the amount of kisses and touches I'm getting.

"How are you?" I ask slowly as she sits down.

"I'm good, had a lovely shower, cleaned up some of the mess that our kids have made. Now I'm all yours."

"I thought you always were," I laugh.

"Yes I am," She kisses me again. I reach up and stop her from moving back meaning our foreheads were resting against each other's and our eyes are locked. I knew I had to be honest with her.

"Love, I feel like crap," she frowns at once. She hates the word but it's the only I can find to decide how I feel.

"What? Are you hurting?" She pulls away looking up and down, trying to work out if I was in pain.

"No, I want to go home, I want to sleep in my own bed. Be with my family, recover around the people I love most. It just feels like I'm not going to be doing that any time soon. I can't even get out of bed to use the bathroom without a little bit of help. I can't walk. I've let you all down completely. The kids all look at me like I'm going to break I'm scared of…" she stops me, completely stops me by kissing my lips.

"It is going to be a long road but you know what?"

"What?"

"we're here for you, me and the kids. You're getting the best care and you're going to be back home before you know it."

"I…" She stops me again putting her long finger onto my lips.

"Stefanie Marie Foster, you are going to listen to me okay?" I nod, feeling that's all I can do right now. "It's more important to me and to our kids that you get better. You're everything to me, Our children love you. Our family would fall apart without you. Yeah it's going to be a long road. I'm here every step of the way. No if's, no buts, just here. I love you so much Stef it hurts, really hurts sometimes." I pull her down for a kiss. As we are kissing I hear someone clear their throat in the doorway. We break apart and I see someone I never expected to see. I've been in hospital for two weeks, I've had calls from my Mom but not my father, now he is in the doorway of my hospital room looking at me like I'm a naughty child. I know how he feels about me being gay, but I won't let him win at the moment. I need her more than anyone else right now. I grip her hand and in that moment I knew she didn't want to move away from me. she held my hand and sat herself beside me.

"Hey,"

"Hi Dad, how are you?" I ask, he looks at me before coming into the room. I see my father's distaste at the fact that Lena is holding my hand. He has never been disrespectful of her but he has serious issue with the fact that I love a woman.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" He says with a small smile before answering "I'm good, how are you?"

"I've felt a lot better," I admit. He stands on the other side of my bed.

"From the message Mike left he said you'd been shot badly," He says slowly. His voice is full of concern. I just couldn't get over the fact it had taken him all this time

"I've got bullet fragments in my spinal canal. I can't move my legs."

"Oh dear God, Stef," he reaches out like he going to touch me but he stops himself and pushes his hands into his pockets. I know I'm going to have to speak.

"They are still doing tests, but it's not looking good," I say, not taking my eyes off him, suddenly glad that Lena' s hand is in mine reminding me that I have her support.

"What am I supposed to tell your mother?"

"I've already spoken to Sharon," Lena says slowly, I knew she'd spoken to her, as Mom was getting ready to fly over to see me.

"Oh," Was all my father could say.

"She's going to fly out next week. She was going to come sooner if Stef was still in a coma but she's doing fine,"

"I don't think she's doing fine, she can't move her legs," My father's voice is suddenly bitter. I know he must be hurting but I am not letting him take it out on Lena. He already blames her for enough without this being added to the list

"I am here you know dad," I say "I'm fine because I'm breathing, I'm awake, I'm alive and I have my family and my fiancé," I say without thinking, once it is out I see the look on his face but I don't care, I love Lena so completely.

"Fiancé?" my own father sounds disgusted with the thought of me sleeping with another woman but now for me to marry her it sounded worse.

"Yes,"

"You can't…"

"Don't say it dad," I say not wanting him to say it. "Lena and I can legally get married now. We are going too. You don't have to support, just respect it," He nodded after a few moments.

"I'll be going," He couldn't get out of the room fast enough and I didn't have the energy to chase or yell after him. I just looked at the door. I feel Lena's lips on my temple. It's so soft.

"I'm sorry," She whispered against my ear.

"What for?" I ask slowly.

"what your…"

"No, that is not you, that's all on him, I wish I could explain it. I don't know what to say after that, he is just so bitter."

"Tell you what, shall I cheer you up, give you a bath and changed your PJs?"

"I'm allowed a bath?" I ask, my excitement showing.

"Yes," Lena giggles at me. "Jenny is going to come and help us,"

"Today has just gotten better," I laugh as Jenny walks in with my wheelchair.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter five

I'm going home. I can't believe it, it's finally happening. it's been eight weeks since I left the house to get Jesus, now I'm going home. I've got a light weight sports wheelchair that my insurance through the state has bought for me. I know the house has been made wheelchair friendly. I also know that the house is perfect because Lena has overseen to everything, I feel so lucky. I've landed on my feet with my wife. She's been so loving and caring and I know I can't do this without her. I've signed up for physical therapy, I'm hoping to stand and dance on our wedding day. Something I want surprise Lena with. I'm signing the papers for my discharge when I see Lena coming into the ward.

"Hey, do you come here often?" I ask, she grins, that sexy grin that only I get.

"Only when there is someone worth visiting,"

"Ah, I hear she is leaving today,"

"Oh really?" Lena laughs, "I'll have to find someone else then," she kisses my forehead. "It's good to see you in such a good mood,"

"Of course I am, I'm coming home. To my family," I smile as I finish signing the paperwork.

"Good because we've missed you," Once I'd signed the paperwork we made our way out to the car, I smile. I really can't help it. I get to the car and transfer myself from my chair into the car. I watch as Lena puts my chair into the back. I'm going home, I really cannot believe this. I've been looking forward to this. Lena hopped into the drivers seat. I'm so used to driving, it's slightly strange having Lena in that seat,

"What?" She asks reaching over, she took my fist. When did I clench that?

"I don't know, Lena."

"Yeah." She says as she pulls out of the space in the parking lot.

"I'm sorry for the pain I've caused you. I know this isn't easy for you or the kids or me for that matter, but I feel like It's partly my fault. Something in me makes me want to protect you and our kids over everything else and that includes my own safety. I've hurt you so much with this. You hate guns and I've now got a bullet and fragments in my back." I stop. We've stopped at a red light.

"I'm not in pain baby. All I want is for you to be better."

"Lena you've cried more in the last three weeks then in our ten year relationship. I've seen the pain in your eyes. I don't want that anymore."

"Well I've got you home and that means the world to me." I smile we pull into our driveway. Wow there is ramp up to our front door. I love it. I can get around. Which is important. I wait for Lena to bring my chair and transfer myself to it. I decide to go in the back door so that I'm in our kitchen. I wheel myself in. there is noise in the dinning room it sounds like the kids are playing a game. Lena had come in the front door so that the kids still don't know I'm back I can hear her talking to them. Before Brandon comes into the kitchen he stops looking at me.

"Mom." He just stands looking at me. I can't help but laugh. "MOM." He runs to me. I put the break on just in time as he threw himself at me. I forget that in this handsome young man is my little child. He hugs me so hard. I rub his back and close my eyes as I suddenly feel all my kids, including Callie and Jude hugging me. Wow. I can't believe how much love I feel. I'm crying I know. My babies are holding me, my our kitchen. It feels amazing. they let me go. I look around before pushing my tears away I look into Lena's eyes who is standing in the door way looking at me, crying herself.

"Hey babies." I say.

"Why didn't you tell us you where coming home?" Mariana said. Holding my hand.

"We didn't really know it was going to happen we were waiting for my chair. Plus I had to sign up for physical therapy."

"I love you chair." Jude says. It's blue and he has a thing for blue.

"Thanks bud." I looked at my kids. The joys that made me smile and laugh and get angry. They make me feel so alive. Lena comes over and kisses me on the mouth. I love that. I'm home and I'm getting kisses.

"Eww seriously do you two have too?" Jesus says he is grinning. I pull Lena onto knee and kiss her again she's giggling as we pull away to vomiting noises from Jesus.

"Watch it young man." I say grinning. "One day you'll be doing."

"Can't you do it in private."

"No." Lena and I say together. They all start laughing. I look around. My amazing family and I know this is the start of my road to recovery.

I've made it up to our bedroom. I'm now in my bed on my side. I love it. Lena is in the bathroom. We've had a lovely family evening. With me on the sofa, together watched a movie and we had pizza. It was lovely. I'm now watching my woman come out of the bathroom, wearing her PJs she gets into bed and turns to me. As I can't move too well at the moment, I lift my arm up, she puts her head onto my shoulder and I can put my hand into her curly hair. Her head resting on my shoulder and her arm around me. making sure she doesn't push my still healing wound.

"This feels good." I say softly. Kissing her forehead.

"Yes. I've missed this. Missed having you here."

"I missed the room." She laughs.

"Trust you."

"I love you sweetie." I grin. She looks at me.

"I love you too. I can't believe I nearly lost you." She suddenly looks so serious.

"I'm sorry for that babe, we need to look forward now. We've got a wedding to plan."

"Yeah our wedding."

"Yes. you and me finally showing the world our love. We can wear our rings on our left hands and show the world that I'm completely and utterly in love with you."

"Wow some speech that Stef."

"It's completely true." I reply. "You're my lady." We kiss on the lips and suddenly I'm tired. She runs her fingers down my side. I feel myself drifting off in her arms. Loving the fact that this woman is mine and that I'm home.


End file.
